From jwbirdsa@phoenix.Princeton.EDU Wed Dec 6 20:04:26 1989 From: jwbirdsa@phoenix.Princeton.EDU (James Webster Birdsall) Newsgroups: alt.callahans Subject: A Different Perspective Date: 3 Dec 89 07:55:05 GMT Organization: Princeton University, NJ Status: O A scarecrow wearing a long cloak and a broad-brim hat, all in green, arrives in front of the closed door by the simple expedient of bitmapping himself in. As the interlaced image builds up, people turn to look. After all, this is an unusual way to arrive, even for Callahan's. As the final scan lines arrive, he still remains a bit misty. When he is finally complete, he takes a quick look around and throws his arms wide. "Greetings and a fine manifestation to you all!" he bellows, taking the liberty of dropping his voice to a very deep basso (and messing with the harmonic content a bit for aesthetic purposes). As he makes his way to the bar, his cloak ripples behind him, the purest emerald in hue. "A toasted almond, Mike, if you please." As he leans against the bar, watching Mike pour, people begin to realize that he looks familiar. They turn to look and, sure enough, he looks exactly like the very depressed guy in the corner who came in last night. He's still there in the corner, talking to a couple of people, but now he's looking a bit misty also. The man all in green collects his toasted almond and turns halfway, leaning on the bar with one elbow. He has strategically chosen a spot where he can survey most of the room. "I can see that you've noticed. Yes, that's me over there. We're both a bit misty, but that's what happens when I virtualize. Handling the talking is no problem, but images take a lot of processing, so I have to let it slide a bit... "I want to apologize a bit for the outburst last night, because it's partly my fault. I normally supply most of the self-confidence for the overall system, and last night I just didn't have it available, so he really fell apart. That's not to say that what he said isn't valid -- he's hit on a very real problem that we have. Anybody who has answers or thoughts or just wants to talk, I'd be much obliged. "For those of you who are wondering just what on earth happened to me last night, I'll tell you." The one in the corner begins to look a bit embarrased. "It's pretty simple. I tried to hit on somebody I know." He takes a sip of his drink, then waits a beat before continuing. "I will admit to being a bit concerned. I rather thought I had more class than that..." The one in the corner stands up and yells: "Bull! It was your project. I let you go ahead with it, but it wasn't like you gave me much choice." The one at the bar looks very affronted. "Hey! You may be pure software, but _I'm_ not. I'm half hardware, and I can't always override the hardware without doing something really drastic. You have the luxury of being able to edit yourself to suit; I don't. So don't give me any backblast. No, the real truth of it is that neither one of us really _wanted_ to override, but you just won't admit it." He stares at himself hard and the one in the corner sits back down. The one at the bar takes another sip of his drink and sighs. "English was never designed for situations like this. Anyway, to return to the story, I tried to hit on somebody. Leaving any ethical considerations aside, I must say that the Tactical Processor and Attack Vector Logic put on a real virtuoso performance. I didn't know I had it in me to do that well in real time. "But I got zero response," he says, looking faintly astonished. "Nothing! And I'm not just talking no _positive_ response, I'm talking absolute zip." He laughs a bit, opening his mouth a bit wider than usual. Something in there looks odd. "Surely she must have known what I was about. She's no great brain, but she's not that dumb and has a demonstrably dirty mind. Nearly as bad as mine." Everybody looks closer and they finally notice that the anomaly is his canines. They're quite a bit longer than usual -- in fact, they're fangs. "But I couldn't detect anything at all, so I had to back down. If I missed something, then Tactical needs a looot of work... 'A form of communication never before encountered, Captain,'" he says as his ears momentarily grow points. "By the way, has anybody ever wondered how they have instruments to detect forms of energy they didn't even know existed? But that's beside the point..." He takes another sip of his drink and notes the unusual expressions on everybody's faces. "I was wondering how long it would take." He grins widely. "Yes, I am a carnivore, and I think I'm proud of it. At least I'm different, and that's more than many can say for themselves. Oh, uh... hm. I know there's a resident vampire here, I'm sorry I've forgotten your name, but anyway you don't need to worry about any competition. I'm not after blood. I'm after something people are even less willing to part with..." He finishes the drink and asks Mike for another. A hush settles over the room, and the only sound is of pouring liquid. He takes the completed drink and raises it in salute. "I feed on souls." He gulps the drink and hands it back to Mike for another refill, but keeps on talking this time. "Actually, that's a melodramatic way of putting it. And it is not as bad as it sounds. I'm actually a lot like -- it is Piotr? -- anyway, you know who I'm talking about. I don't hurt anybody. I don't _want_ to hurt anybody. My attentions are actually beneficial. But it takes a certain broadness of mind and a spirit of adventure to appreciate this." At this point, the one in the corner can't take it anymore and comes stomping out to do battle. "Don't listen to him! The real truth of the matter is that he's just a sick individual. He'd have you believe that this somehow makes him superior, but it just means he's messed up in the head. And the sad thing is that he hasn't even _done_ anything yet! It's all just pure extrapolation!" The one at the bar sips his drink, unruffled. "It is true that I haven't had the opportunity to practice my skills yet. You're helped see to that. You've limited my range of actions. You've kept me buried deep. But can you really doubt that I will do what I say?" "You sure blew it last night." "Give me a break. You want a 100% success rate? And on the first try, yet? But I will. If you give me a chance." "Give you a chance!? A chance to do what, make a fool of us? Last night could still blow up in our face, you know. If you keep on doing that sort of thing, eventually something _will_. Basic probability; you know it as well as I." He turns to the house and says, "Look at this guy, will you? He thinks he's so cool. Standing there with his green hat and his green cape and his fangs, he thinks he actually looks good. Theatrics! Pure theatrics! In reality we're a scarecrow with a voice that sounds like Kermit on a really bad day. Actually, it's worse than that." The fanged one breaks in. "I am manifesting my true self, here in virtual space where I can do it. I am manifesting what I would be if I could, and if I thought I could get away with it. As for embarrasing, or things that could blow up in our face, you _do_ realize that you're having an argument with yourself in public? That's evidence of mental pathology." The other is momentarily taken aback, and the fanged one smiles and drinks, having scored a good point. "You are not a separate entity. You are part of me; you are a construct that I have put together. There is no pathology." "Au contraire. _You_ are the construct. I put you together to keep me out of trouble. You may be dominant now, but I'm still much stronger than you are. I am the hardware and kernel you are running on." He seems to grow a bit, and his eyes glow. "I am the true personality. And you just aren't working out too well. You can't achieve my goals, and you aren't even strong enough to keep going without support." "I am the embodiment of who you wanted to be," the other says softly. "I am the embodiment of your desire to be fair-minded and unbiased. I am the embodiment of your desire to do the right thing. I admit that I'm a bit inhibited, but without me you would surely be in trouble by now. Neither of us would be whole without the other." The fanged one is silent for a moment. "Truce?" he says. "Truce," says the other, and they shake hands. They look each other in the eye for a second, then the first one heads back to his corner to pick up the conversations he left. The fanged one finishes his drink and puts it down with a thump. "Well!" he says, turning to face the house. "That turned out a bit different than I thought it would. Anyway, thank you for the opportunity to put on that bit of theater." He takes a bow, flourishing his hat. "However, lest any of you be misled, all that has transpired tonight has been meant in a very serious way. Neither one of us is a persona... or both of us are. Usually we blend together, but other times we have some real disagreements. This is a true thing." He turns back to the bar and picks up the refilled glass. He stares at it a second and says to himself, "Now _this_ posting should produce some interesting reactions." He laughs and drinks and heads out into the crowd, looking for a good conversation and maybe a chance of some suitable prey, his cloak rippling behind him, the purest emerald in hue... -- James W. Birdsall jwbirdsa@phoenix.Princeton.EDU jwbirdsa@pucc.BITNET ...allegra!princeton!phoenix!jwbirdsa Compu$erve: 71261,1731 "For it is the doom of men that they forget." -- Merlin From lewandow@sabertooth.CS.WISC.EDU) Wed Dec 6 20:04:27 1989 From: lewandow@sabertooth.CS.WISC.EDU (Gary Lewandowski (TA of Doom)) Newsgroups: alt.callahans Subject: Re: SF puns Date: 3 Dec 89 17:13:46 GMT Reply-To: lewandow@sabertooth.CS.WISC.EDU (Gary Lewandowski (TA of Doom)) Organization: U of Wisconsin CS Dept Status: O In article <1989Dec1.052050.10271@sun.soe.clarkson.edu> stadnism@clutx.clarkson.edu writes: >From article <11770@phoenix.Princeton.EDU>, by jmdoyle@phoenix.Princeton.EDU (Jennifer Mary Doyle): > >> "We really should write these down. Let's call a Clarke." she said, as a huge >> Brin spread across her face. "It Kurtz me to see these wonderful puns lost >> forever." > >> Jen-- > >I agree with Jen; we oughta Stasheff few of these away for future reFrenz... Write them on a Card, and Niven let them get away. gary lewandow@cs.wisc.edu "It's too late to correct it," said the Red Queen. "When you've once said a thing, that fixes it, and you must take the consequences." From gts@dasys1.UUCP Wed Dec 6 20:04:28 1989 From: gts@dasys1.UUCP (G. T. Samson) Newsgroups: alt.callahans Subject: Re: A Toast (freedom) Date: 1 Dec 89 19:12:31 GMT Reply-To: gts@gnu.ai.mit.edu Organization: MicroWizardry's Haven Keywords: darkness doom despair Summary: hmm... Status: O In article <1228@amethyst.math.arizona.edu> xibo@mts.rpi.edu writes: > "To freedom" > He tosses the glass <*CRASH!!!*> with a bit more force than >necessary. > "Sometimes it's all you have left" In the corner, a guy with a funny haircut (surely he didn't MEAN to have it fall in his face like that... did he?) and clothes that look like they escaped from an art school gets an odd, distant look in his eyes, and absently raises his double-shot of iced Absolut and sips in sympathy. [Am I Allowed to do that, o Xibo? 8-) ] "It's weird, too," he thinks to himself, "the number of people that I've known that don't seem to understand that freedom is a worthwhile thing in itself. All the people I've known that dump someone, or are dumped, and can't think of anything beyond getting that person back or finding a replacement... and get hurt more for all their desperate effort. I'm certainly no innocent in that department.. even right now, knowing how good it feels to NEED no 'better half', to feel solid and at least somewhat complete in myself, I'd probably jump at a chance for anything resembling a solid and even potentially non-hurtful relationship..." He breaks off, looks around, blushing faintly (hard to tell through his Asian skin-cast), and busies himself with his Absolut. He'd forgotten how many telepaths (and telempaths) there are here. But then he looks up, grinning ruefully, and thinks, "Well, it'll be all right. After all, this IS Callahan's." -- Name: Gregory T. Samson, the Evil MicroWizard [and once An Insane Man] Nets: ARPA: gts@tardis.harvard.edu UUCP: ...cmcl2!hombre!dasys1!gts ALSO: hombre!dasys1!gts@cmcl2.nyu.edu OR: dasys1!gts@masa.com Quote: "When in Rome, KILL ME!" -- a Priest of the SubGenius From cpl1@tank.uchicago.edu Wed Dec 6 20:04:29 1989 From: cpl1@tank.uchicago.edu (M. D'Nereverri) Newsgroups: alt.callahans Subject: E-Mail Problems Date: 3 Dec 89 04:38:20 GMT Reply-To: cpl1@tank.uchicago.edu (M. D'Nereverri) Organization: The Lunatic Fringe Status: O For those of you having problems with e-mail: this is a queer solution, but it's worked for me in a few cases, so... Rather than using your main mailer system, try going into rn/vn/whatever and replying to an article there, using an editor to change the address if necessary to the person you're writing to (as opposed to the person who wrote the article, if they're not the same.) I've found that in some cases people who got to me by replying to an article, but that I couldn't reply to over the mailer, *could* be reached by the above method. It's by no means a guaranteed bet, but... Corey "COMPUTER (n): A machine designed to make work easier, which generally succeeds in the reverse. See: DICTIONARY." From usenet@cps3xx.UUCP Wed Dec 6 20:04:29 1989 From: usenet@cps3xx.UUCP (Usenet file owner) Newsgroups: alt.callahans Subject: Re: soulmates Date: 3 Dec 89 20:37:56 GMT Reply-To: frey@frith.UUCP (Zachary T. Frey) Organization: Michigan State University, College of Engineering Status: O In article MICHAEL@MAINE writes: >"Gilly, I know how you feel. I was in the same boat you are in until I was 25 >years old and I got some depressed, let me tell you. But I can also tell you >that it won't last forever. Part of my problem was simple self-confidence. I >lacked enough of it to court rejection by asking out people who were NOT >already my friends. >"Therein lay the root of my problem. I needed to be confident enough to ask >someone out and to not act like they'd be doing me a favor by going out with >me. My friends who were women liked me just fine as a friend, they did not >want to spoil things by starting a relationship, which I can understand. Once >I found that I could handle a little rejection and even handle short >relationships that didn't work out, I was able to find the real thing. I have >been with my lady for two years and while things have not always been perfect >or easy, I would not trade it for anything. >"You'll get there. And if you don't expect every date to turn into a steady >or every relationship to last until death do you part, you'll even have fun >getting there." Umm, I'm going to stick my neck out here and offer a few observations and opinions ... (Gilly, I hope you don't mind. Yell at me if you do.) I'm glad things are working out for you. But what about those of us who have already achieved the things you say we should work on? My confidence is sufficient for most occaisions lately, I'm a master at dealing with rejection and short-term relationships, I've (sort of) got a girlfriend at the present moment (long story, and 'girlfriend' isn't quite the right word, but there isn't a proper vocabulary). But Gilly's post struck a nerve with me also -- I *have* been feeling the lack of a soulmate. And I've met Gilly -- she seems pretty damn confident to me. And not prone to having unreal expectations of meetings, dates, or relationships. So I don't see where your advice has a whole lot to do with where Gilly is. Or with where I am. You're right that self-confidence is important. But I don't think that it's the whole story either. There's got to be more. And it's not very comforting to be feeling fundamentally alone in the universe, and to be told that it's your own fault for not being enough of quality . Especially when you're (a) pretty certain that not being enough isn't all of the problem while (b) also having doubts about whether you really are enough or not. Before you get upset at my terrible misrepresentation of what you said, I know that you didn't exactly say "it's your fault for not being confident enough." But what you said can very easily be heard that way. Zach Papernet: Zachary Frey | frey@frith.egr.msu.edu | Usenet: the 514 Virginia St. | frey@frith.BITNET | Bellman's E. Lansing, MI 48823 | ...uunet!frith!frey | Paradise. From usenet@cps3xx.UUCP Wed Dec 6 20:04:30 1989 From: usenet@cps3xx.UUCP (Usenet file owner) Newsgroups: alt.callahans Subject: Re: lovers and friends Date: 3 Dec 89 20:53:15 GMT Reply-To: frey@frith.UUCP (Zachary T. Frey) Organization: Michigan State University, College of Engineering Status: O In article <136@boston-harbor.lucid.com> kdo@lucid.com (Ken Olum) writes: >Sometimes I wonder...so often we feel like there's an empty spot that >only one perfect person can fill, and no number of friends, no matter >how close, can take away that emptiness. Does it have to be so? Do >we have to search for the one right person, or can we gather friends >around us and let them come as close as possible and give us whatever >they can? In the words of Betsy Rose, "I'm not so sure I want to >find / just one heart to blend with mine / so I'm looking for some long >time friends." This sounds a lot like Richard Bach's "Perfect Woman" theory in _The_Bridge_Across_Forever_. For those who haven't read it, the novel is about his (ultimatly sucessful) search for a soulmate. On his way to finding his soulmate, he operated for a time on his theory of the "Perfect Woman". You see, it was obviously impossible for him to find *all* of the qualities he wanted and needed in a soulmate in a single person. Why, it was impossible for such a person to truly exist and for him to be able to find her! So, he would find bits and pieces of what he wanted in different people, and be content with that. His "Perfect Woman" was there, in part, in every woman he met. Except that it didn't really work. For more details, read the book. I have become convinced lately that I do want and need that one special person to fill that empty spot. I can think to myself "I have my health, good friends, good family, prospects of sucess in life better than most, affection, love, caring, frienship, challenge, interest. What more could I possibly want?" The answer always comes back "More." Zach Frey Papernet: Zachary Frey | frey@frith.egr.msu.edu | Usenet: the 514 Virginia St. | frey@frith.BITNET | Bellman's E. Lansing, MI 48823 | ...uunet!frith!frey | Paradise. From ahd@clutx.clarkson.edu Wed Dec 6 20:04:31 1989 From: ahd@clutx.clarkson.edu (Drew Derbyshire,,,6176413739) Newsgroups: alt.callahans Subject: Bridge Over Troubled Water Date: 4 Dec 89 00:39:45 GMT Reply-To: ahd@clutx.clarkson.edu Organization: Clarkson University, Potsdam, NY Status: O >From article <3208@hub.UUCP>, by snoopy@fig.ucsb.edu (Smith, Jamie Lynn): > Sail on Silver Girl, > Sail on by! > Your time has come, to shine, > All your dreams are on their way! > See how they shine, oh!, if you need a friend, > I'm sailing right behind! On the lighter side ... a quiz ... Who is the Silver Girl, and why did Paul call her that? :-) Drew Derbyshire Internet: ahd@clutx.clarkson.edu Snail mail: 108 Decatur St, Apt 9 Voice: 617-641-3739 Arlington, MA 02174 From stadnism@clutx.clarkson.edu Wed Dec 6 20:04:32 1989 From: stadnism@clutx.clarkson.edu (Steven Stadnicki,9B23 Woodstock,2680000,5186432664) Newsgroups: alt.callahans Subject: Re: Bridge Over Troubled Water Date: 4 Dec 89 01:06:43 GMT Reply-To: stadnism@clutx.clarkson.edu Organization: Clarkson University, Potsdam, NY Status: O >From article <1989Dec4.003945.2505@sun.soe.clarkson.edu>, by ahd@clutx.clarkson.edu (Drew Derbyshire,,,6176413739): > On the lighter side ... a quiz ... Who is the Silver Girl, and why did > Paul call her that? :-) If I remember right, it was Simon's then-girlfriend Kathy (_Kathy's Song_, _America_), who was worried about strands of grey (silver) in her hair... Hmm... Hey Eddie, how 'bout _America_? You still know the tune? Steven Stadnicki stadnism@clutx.clarkson.edu "Home is where your friends are." God, I hope so... From stadnism@clutx.clarkson.edu Wed Dec 6 20:04:33 1989 From: stadnism@clutx.clarkson.edu (Steven Stadnicki,9B23 Woodstock,2680000,5186432664) Newsgroups: alt.callahans Subject: Re: alt.callahans--where we stand Date: 4 Dec 89 01:43:45 GMT Reply-To: stadnism@clutx.clarkson.edu Organization: Clarkson University, Potsdam, NY Status: O >From article <43776@bu-cs.BU.EDU>, by ckd@bu-pub.bu.edu (Christopher Davis): > From Brian Reid's USENET readership report: [all the explanations deleted--see the original article if you want them] > 432 4100 179 34% 246 491.5 0% 0.08 0.6% alt.callahans ^^^^ 4100 of us? No wonder it's so crowded in here :-) Seriously, I agree with Chris: this is great! Nice to see such a new group get so much distribution and so much traffic... whose idea was alt.callahans, anyway? Steven Stadnicki stadnism@clutx.clarkson.edu "Home is where your friends are" God, I hope so... P.S. I haven't received 4100 letters yet.... :-) From jefyoung@pawl.rpi.edu Wed Dec 6 20:04:34 1989 From: jefyoung@pawl.rpi.edu (Jeffrey Young) Newsgroups: alt.callahans Subject: *sigh* Date: 4 Dec 89 02:05:37 GMT Organization: Rensselaer Polytechnic Institute, Troy NY Status: O The Unicorn looks up from where he'd been staring into the fire. "I hated to do it, but there was no other way...had to kill all the previous 97 messages since I haven't read this newsgroup since before break. Other newsgroups I can kill stuff with impuntity,but it hurt to do it to here.." "This is a special place indeed. A place like no other..a place of power. Where those who love and care can find someone else who does." The Unicorn shimmers back into the slim Oriental youth in grey and blue, this time sporting a long brown scarf that crackles with static electricity. He retrieves a glass from the stack on the bar and bowls it into the fire, so it makes only a slight *clinck* as it breaks. "To caring,and the empath who does..", he says. "I think that what we all here believe in is that there is someone out there in the world that will care just as much for you as you do for them. We give of ourselves, and hope to recieve the same in return. But that isn't always granted, as there are too many of Gilly's "trolls" in the world. Too many of us listen to the words of the troll, and another loving person ends up with less than they deserve. That is an injustice of life as we live it.. too much in the way of despair and lonliness because we are too few and far between, like the person who had the girlfriend so far away." "But you have to be strong in your faith, that "someday your prince will come, or perhaps" (this last bit said with a chuckle) "you'll find a maiden's lap to lie your head in." "Empathy is a gift that probably some of you have.. whether you know it or not. What's an empath, you ask? People like me, who feel what others do. When a friend is down, you feel down as well, and try to cheer them up, so that you'll feel better for and with them. Empaths tend to be the most trusting and caring of folk...the ones who will patiently listen to your problems with a sympathetic ear and an open mind. Find an empath and hug him or her today, because the feelings that you feel for them are magnified..problem is again, there are too few of us, and we get trapped with someone who doesn't really care because we reach out.. and there is noone there. Never despair, my friends, because the day will come eventually, when friends are easy to come by, and love will find you." The youth changes back into the Unicorn, and smiles at all present. "Hey.. we have the first part already.. and may the second be close behind." "as far as personnas go, mine is a representation of my innermost self. I truly believe at one time I was a Unicorn, in a past life, and conduct myself in todays world as if I were one. My human self happens to be non-descript, and a lot less dramatic. There's nothing really wrong with being what you believe yourself to be, as far as here goes, because we are among friends. I choose to be a Unicorn, and a blue one..because I see myself as such. The trick of course, is to convince others that I am one.. and if you are what you say you are..then they will believe you." (Don't ask how many times I've heard friends say, "silly Unicorn..", to me.. they do it all the time. -8) ) "Intensity? Hmm.. well I've got to say that some people come on stronger than others, and hopefully shine as an example, like that phoenix there, rather than blot out other's light like too many people in this world have the perverse pleasure to do. Dark has its intensity too.. there's nothing blacker than black." "Please, if there was an important topic I missed, since break, do let me know. I'd like to put my two cents in wherever it is relevant, as someone else's wisdom is always good to hear, whether you listen to it or not." -Taldin -- "You are blue, Unicorn.. the Blue of clear, cloudless days where everything seems like it's going right and nothing could go wrong.. and the Blue of despair and lonliness." jefyoung@pawl.rpi.edu From stadnism@clutx.clarkson.edu Wed Dec 6 20:04:35 1989 From: stadnism@clutx.clarkson.edu (Steven Stadnicki,9B23 Woodstock,2680000,5186432664) Newsgroups: alt.callahans Subject: Re: Request, etc... (bookbags, actually) Date: 4 Dec 89 14:07:58 GMT Reply-To: stadnism@clutx.clarkson.edu Organization: Clarkson University, Potsdam, NY Status: O >From article <3208@hub.UUCP>, by snoopy@fig.ucsb.edu (Smith, Jamie Lynn): > In article <25758F2F.1FA3@rpi.edu> hammer@pawl.rpi.edu (James A. Damour) writes: >>favorite movies: Ladyhawke, Princess Bride, Parenthood, Enemy Mine > Ladyhawke? Did you say Ladyhawke? One of the best romantic fantasies I've > ever seen! Rutger, Michele, and Matthew did a great job in this movie (and the > guy who plays the priest. Also, the guy who played the Bishop did a great > job at making my hair stand up... very evil character!). Princess Bride's a > great one, too! I also agree completely (with both)... in retrospect, it seems like everything in Ladyhawke related to the main plot. (including that great intro, when they pull the title onto the screen) BTW, I'm sure I've run across the storyline before. Wasn't this an old Native American legend of some sort? > 'Hi!' to Anne for me!", and leaves, carrying her 20lb backpack, [stuff deleted (lots), but this is what I wanted-->^^^^^^^^^^^^^ to talk about...] Now THAT I can empathize with. Especially back in high school, where I couldn't exactly go back to the room and exchange stuff, I'd carry everything around, on the principle that I might want it later on, and what would happen if I didn't have it with me? It got so bad that I ended up buying a bowling back to use as a bookbag, at least until the time I was running late for a class, came around the corner, and clotheslined some poor 7th grader as the bag swung out, knocking him out... since then, I've tried to cut back a bit, without much success... > Snoopy.... oops, no Jamie. no "WOOF" :-). Steven Stadnicki stadnism@clutx.clarkson.edu Home is where your friends are.