Path: mit-eddie!mintaka!think!zaphod.mps.ohio-state.edu!usc!ucsd!ucsdhub!hp-sdd!hplabs!hpfcso!daq From: daq@hpfcso.HP.COM (Doug Quarnstrom) Newsgroups: alt.callahans Subject: Passion and Life Message-ID: <9060024@hpfcso.HP.COM> Date: 14 Feb 90 05:06:46 GMT Organization: Hewlett-Packard, Fort Collins, CO, USA Lines: 101 Cynic enters Callahans and slowly passes through the cliques that seem to be forming. The group dynamics change, but his bulletin board is there, unchanged. He has always really hated crown dynamics. Small crowds, such as the ones you might find at a party are usually too superficial to bear. Large crowds can be dangerous. No, there is nothing good about large groups of people. Therefore, he crosses to the bulletin board. First he reaches out and rips past postings down leaving the pins and tape as markers, gravestones for past conversations. Reaching into his pocket he pulls out a cigarette, looks at it for a moment, and then lights it. He does not smoke, but what the hell. There are alot of things he does not do. He turns and leans against the wall, pulls a drag, and scans the bar. "Which of these are 'originals', and which are 'latecomers?" he thinks to himself. He does not really care, but such things matter to some people. Closing his eyes he stifles an urge to scream and start throwing tables. Or is he, in reality, trying to create the urge? His mouth tastes of smoke and his head is in the fuzzy grip of Gin. Oh yes, Gin AND Tonic. But it is mostly Gin is it not? The nicotene tickles his frontal lobes with the faint hint of a head rush. Yeah right! There ain't that much nicotene in the world pal. He looks for Chris Phoenix, but he is not present. Neither is Betty Bo or Diana. Jilara is here, but is surrounded as usual and his gaze passes the group without a second thought. He feels the strong urge to talk, but before he can indulge it he turn, pulls a paper from his pocket and posts it. He puts the cigarette out with his fingers and leaves the bar. The post: I was having a conversation with Betty Bo about the value of frustration and anger in creativity. But I have been wondering in a more general sense about how one maintains passion in life. It seems that time saps the ability to approach life with passion, whatever that passion might be and however it is expressed. Certainly you can survive without it, but survival seems to be a pretty low goal. How can you maintain passion? To a certain degree, I tend to associate this passion with anger and frustration. Passion is an unpleasant feeling that drives people to create and achieve things. But it goes away. One can only spend so much time being angry. Are "average" people doomed to lose their passion and live out life as refined and intelligent, herbivores, calmly grazing and oblvious to all but the comfort of a full belly? Does marraige restore this passion? I think not, but I cannot be sure. Sometimes I feel like a Lion captured in the wild and chained and drugged for so many years that I have forgotten what it is to hunt and to feed. All I know now is the constancy of the trainers hand. I still roar, but it is only on cue and always for the entertainment of the crowd. I know that much of the passion of youth is spent looking for someone else to reconize and share your passion, but I found that tedious even when I still actively shared the pursuit. What replaces the yearning of youth? Time is time and that is fine But it does not seem to explain The sense of loss in my brain. Nothing is gone. It's all still here. So what do I fear? Why do I flee? Certainly nothing is chasing me. I have been here before and I felt good. I know I'll be here some more, And I know that should give me peace. But something is different. Something is wrong. I must leave before long. I must go and I don't know why. What I would like most, What I would like best, Is simply to find a place to rest. I want a place that's free of strife. A place to while my life away. A place without night or day or bills to pay. And when I'm there, I can sit and tear my hair. I can jump and scream and run and shout. And scheme and plan the best ways out. Cynic Path: mit-eddie!snorkelwacker!usc!zaphod.mps.ohio-state.edu!sol.ctr.columbia.edu!emory!hubcap!dkarres From: dkarres@hubcap.clemson.edu (Dean Karres) Newsgroups: alt.callahans Subject: Are Y'all interested in a SE Callahan's meet? Message-ID: <8012@hubcap.clemson.edu> Date: 15 Feb 90 15:14:22 GMT Distribution: usa Organization: Clemson University, Clemson, SC Lines: 8 How about it? Atlanta, GA? Columbia, SC? Charlotte, NC? dean...k... -- || dean...k... || "Hoy! Slim! Shift yer starters 'n we'll || make breakfast" - Unknown Ogre Squad dkarres@hubcap.clemson.edu || Leader Path: mit-eddie!mintaka!think!zaphod.mps.ohio-state.edu!usc!wuarchive!decwrl!ucbvax!fsdcupt.csd.mot.COM!jane From: jane@fsdcupt.csd.mot.COM (Jane Beckman x4030) Newsgroups: alt.callahans Subject: Jam Message-ID: <9002150952.AA03028@fsdcupt.csd.mot.COM> Date: 15 Feb 90 17:52:51 GMT Sender: daemon@ucbvax.BERKELEY.EDU Lines: 6 Jilara watches the crowd of canasta and virtual musicians with bemusement. "Someone has been instrumental in toning up this place," she observes. She reaches out an slathers strawberry preserves on a piece of bread. "I'm afraid this is more my kind of virtual jam. I'd make a toast, but I'm eating it at the moment." She scans the room in case anyone has a tuba something to throw... Path: mit-eddie!wuarchive!cs.utexas.edu!tut.cis.ohio-state.edu!ucbvax!fsdcupt.csd.mot.COM!jane From: jane@fsdcupt.csd.mot.COM (Jane Beckman x4030) Newsgroups: alt.callahans Subject: Passion Message-ID: <9002151005.AA03337@fsdcupt.csd.mot.COM> Date: 15 Feb 90 18:05:29 GMT Sender: daemon@ucbvax.BERKELEY.EDU Lines: 27 Jilara waves at Cynic from her table. "These guys aren't really here---you just think they are. I've been being a whit cut off by the tempestas effect. At least I can get to the server at U.C. Berkeley at the moment..." She folds her arms and looks moodily into the distance. "Passion--- passion for living, a thing I refuse to give up for anyone or anything. I go through a lot of dark nights of the spirit, but I keep trying to reach out and grab that emotion. It's something I'd make infinite sacrifices for. It's very close to how I feel about my link with my god. If it's not there, I'm lost and doing something wrong, and had better figure out how to get out of the desert. But there is a price for passion, as for all things. The savor of bleak dispair, pain, fear, all those come with the good things. Sharp edges that cut deep, leave scars. Passion for life is the art of keeping your contrasts turned up onto the "high" setting. Dark is darker, light is lighter, and there is no soft-focus. The colors are too brilliant to be borne by many, the pain and poignancy too keen, the good things too heady. The lion in the cage forgets what it is to hunt, and kill, and munch bones and blood uncooked and warm. It forgets hunger. It forgets the jungle. But I think of the line of a poem by Tolkien, where the cat dreams of the primal things, the jungles and the stalking: "But the fat cat on the mat/Kept as a pet,/He does not forget." Somewhere, the instinct lives on, but slumbering. It can be found, but the question is whether one has the courage to pay the price." Jilara the Exile email-roulette address: jane@fsdcupt.csd.mot.com Path: mit-eddie!mintaka!yale!think!zaphod.mps.ohio-state.edu!brutus.cs.uiuc.edu!wuarchive!mailrus!bbn!granite!mandel From: mandel@granite.cr.bull.com (Mark Mandel) Newsgroups: alt.callahans Subject: Re: Jilara e-mail Summary: too many hops Keywords: Help! Message-ID: <1990Feb15.185156.25980@granite.cr.bull.com> Date: 15 Feb 90 18:51:56 GMT References: <3109@pur-phy> Reply-To: mandel@granite.cr.bull.com (Mark Mandel) Organization: Bull HN Information Systems Inc. Lines: 18 In article <3109@pur-phy> sterling@maxwell.physics.purdue.edu (Bruce S. Woodcock) writes: > I nedd to know who can and cannot send Jilara e-mail. < ... (Silverblack holds up a piece of laserprintout that even from a distance reveals a repetitive pattern running down half the page.) I sent email to her at jane@fsdcupt.csd.mot.com, which was the address on some of her former posts, and it returned after "too many hops" (17) between two locations, namely... (He looks at the paper; it fades out like dissipating smoke in his hand.) Damn! Lost the copy. Anyway, I got the impression that these two sites were forwarding to each other. Anyone else get a similar result? -- -- Mark Mandel (InterNet: Mandel@granite.cr.bull.com) /* My employer is not responsible for anything I say, do, think, or eat. */ Path: mit-eddie!mintaka!yale!cs.utexas.edu!mailrus!bbn!granite!mandel From: mandel@granite.cr.bull.com (Mark Mandel) Newsgroups: alt.callahans Subject: Re: Jilara e-mail Summary: hop till you drop Keywords: Help! Message-ID: <1990Feb15.220312.6553@granite.cr.bull.com> Date: 15 Feb 90 22:03:12 GMT Reply-To: mandel@granite.cr.bull.com (Mark Mandel) Organization: Bull HN Information Systems Inc. Lines: 27 (Silverblack reaches into an electronic hopper that appears in the air next to him and scrabbles frantically around, then emerges triumphant.) Got it! This is what came back when I tried to send email to jilara yesterday. (He holds up a glowing image of text, which he abbreviates (between ) to save net.bandwidth.) ----- Transcript of session follows ----- >>> DATA <<< 554 sendall: too many hops (17 max) 554 <@csd.mot.com:jane@fsdcupt.csd.mot.com>... Service unavailable ----- Unsent message follows ----- Received: from urbana.mcd.mot.com by udc (5.61/1.34) id AA08486; Wed, 14 Feb 90 15:22:56 -0600 Received: from udc.urbana.mcd.mot.com by urbana.mcd.mot.com (5.61/1.34) id AA01261; Wed, 14 Feb 90 14:57:01 -0600 To: jane%fsdcupt.csd.mot.com.uucp@BBN.COM < ----- and the rest is irrelevant here ----- > -- -- Mark Mandel (InterNet: Mandel@granite.cr.bull.com) /* My employer is not responsible for anything I say, do, think, or eat. */ Path: mit-eddie!mintaka!yale!cs.utexas.edu!mailrus!iuvax!pur-ee!pur-phy!maxwell.physics.purdue.edu!sterling From: sterling@maxwell.physics.purdue.edu (Bruce S. Woodcock) Newsgroups: alt.callahans Subject: Once again, Love Keywords: Is it too soon? Message-ID: <3126@pur-phy> Date: 15 Feb 90 23:16:55 GMT Sender: news@pur-phy Lines: 127 Sir Bruce Sterling notices Jilara and waves to her. No response. He leans over to the Phoenix: "I can`t talk to her, but you can. If I give you messages for her, will you act as an intermidiary and give them to her. Then she can reply back through you." "Sure," says the Phoenix. The paladin then hands him a note, which he gives to her. Before she has a chance to read it, however, Sir Bruce gets up and goes to the bar. He lays two silver dollars on the bar. "A glass of champaigne, and a shot of your best sherri, Mike." Sterling takes the two drinks and walks toward the fire, adressing the room: "First, to Jilara: May we finally get to communicate." With a quick two part motion he downs the champaigne and casts the glass into the fire. He then sips the sherri for a while, and speaks again: "Let me say that I have been in love three times in my life, at the ages of 15, 18, and 19. There were others I cared deeply about, friends and others whom I was deeply interested or infatuated with, even some I THOUGHT I was in Love with (when I didn`t understand the feeling very well) but later turned out not so, but only thrice have I fallen in love. And I continue to love these three today, and probably always will, for True Love lasts for eternity." "Recently, after having my love unreciprocated once again, and going through that short bout of depression everyone has after their heart is broken, I began to gain a more positive attitude. I went out more, met more people, and got two dates with two different ladies in the same week! (What a STUD!) I got three roses for three different women (my two dates and another person who asked me for one when I was in a generous mood) for Valentine`s Day. But right now, I am interested in one in particular.... I`ll call her Julia." "After the first few times we met, I got the idea that SHE was interested in ME (What a change! I had never really dealt with that before) and I thought the chivalrous and honorable thing to do was give her a chance. I didn`t know her well enough to be interested in her myself, but I thought she deserved a chance at something and if I got to know her better, maybe I would feel the same about her. So I gave some hints that I wouldn`t mind going out. MAJOR MISCOMMUNICATION! She thought I was trying to hit on her (and at the time, she felt the same way I did) and got a bit upset. But I explained things to her and after a short while we calmed down and got to know each other as friends." "She`s a first year Physics Major (I`m a sophomore in Physics) and didn`t have many friends. She started hanging out at the places I and the other "physics nerds" do and we started spending more and more time together both their and at her place. She is very shy to people she doesn`t know initially, but given an inch she warms right up and takes a mile. She`s very likeable, but few people knew her, so they kept asking ME about her. Well, I started to walk her home at night (it`s not safe on campus and she had no one else to walk her home) and attend events with her and people started asking me "What do you think of Julia?" and the more blunt "Are you two going out?" All these people started saying what a cute couple we were and such, and I`m going "But we`re just FRIENDS!" Anyway, we talked alot and she started to trust me and such and we really became good friends." "Julia`s a good chameleon. She can alter her personality to almost any situation. But when she`s around me, she reveals more of her true self. She doesn`t do this often around other people, even her friends and roommate. Anyway, she seems very comfortable around me, but I sometimes wonder exactly what she wants. Sometimes I`ll joke about us having something more serious and she`ll laugh or occasionally she`ll get a look of "No, never", although I don`t know how sincere it is." "One night she went out with this guy, and I asked her why, and she said, `Well, because he`s nice, and he`s a friend.` And I ask her `But you know several people like that; how come you aren`t going out with them.` And she said `Well, they have to be a special friend, and besides, they never ask me.` So I said `Would you go out with a special friend if they asked?` and she said `Sure. I`ll give anyone a date once.` Amazing, I think, someone with the same generous attitude as I. So I ask `Would you go out with me?` and she says `Sure, that would be fun.` So we have a date for this weekend." "The other night, she called me up. She was major bummin out about an upcoming test and said `Bruce, make me laugh. Make me feel good.` So I went over to her place and we talked awhile and I told some jokes and she felt better and went back to studying. Meanwhile, I stayed in her room and did some work of my own. After about an hour, she felt confident about her test and said she was really tired. I tried to get her to stay awake by walking he r around the room, but then she said `I`ll just lay down on the floor next to you and sleep while you do your work until my roommate gets home.` So I said okay, and she laid down on the blanket next to me and started yawning. This made ME very tired, so I said `I`m tired, too.` and she said `Well, why don`t we both sleep here until my roommate comes back.` So we both fell asleep, and woke up about an hour and a half later and her roommate still hadn`t come back and she said, `Well, you better go. It`s late and guest hours are over and I gotta go to bed.` So I made a joke about `You know, that`s the first time I ever slept with a woman and nothing happened.` She laughed, and then I left. And I began wondering about some of the things she did that night. She was very trusting to sleep when no one else was in the room but me, and on occassion that night I caught her staring at me for no apparrent reason." "The next couple of days I got confused. I felt like I wasn`t sure what was happening. Sometimes I would wonder what she really meant by some of the things she said. Another incident, a few days before the one I just described: We went to a science fair with about 8 other people. We spent some time, all ten of us, in Indianapolis. I realized there was another guy interested in her. He even walked her home one night. And I began to feel the SLIGHTEST bit jealous. I was very surprised by this; I said to myself, `Do I have any right to be jealous?` and couldn`t really answer the question. I talked to her about it and she said she`d deal with the other guy when she had to, but said she really didn`t know what to say about my being a teensy bit jealous, except that she was flattered. Anyway, yesterday I got her a rose for Valentine`s Day, and did some serious thinking." "I think I`ve got all the symptoms for Love, at least on my side. I`ve seen them before, and I`m following a traditional pattern. Whether or not she feels the same or is willing to give me a serious chance and see if she eventually feels the same on her side, I don`t know. Basically, I`m trying to be cautious and not make any serious emotional commitment other than friendship until after our date and I ask that all-important question, `So, do you want to go out again?`" "My questions are many. Is it too soon after my last love? I`m I reading too much into her actions? Do I really Love her, or just think I do and have been sorta `pushed` into this by my friends? I`m just not sure. But I think I am in Love, or will be shortly, and this has become very frightening to me. I DON`T WANT MY HEART BROKEN AGAIN, yet with my luck, it may be inevitable. I might be much better off trying to steer clear of my emotions and just remain friends. But is that the noble thing to do? I think not. Is it the best thing to do? Maybe so. Such are the hardships of a paladin. Being a nice guy has its disadvantages, it seems....." "Well, I`ve said too much. So I end in a toast: To Julia and answers, whatever they may turn out to be!" The sherri hits the fire and the flames flash in multicolored sheets. Sterling sits back down by Jilara and waits for answers. -Sir Bruce Sterling- Path: mit-eddie!mintaka!yale!cs.utexas.edu!swrinde!zaphod.mps.ohio-state.edu!usc!elroy.jpl.nasa.gov!ames!dftsrv!mimsy!haven!uflorida!mailrus!bbn!granite!mandel From: fasteddy@amarna.gsfc.nasa.gov (John 'Fast-Eddie' McMahon) Newsgroups: alt.callahans Subject: Re: Jilara e-mail Summary: too many hops Keywords: Help! Message-ID: <900@dftsrv.gsfc.nasa.gov> Date: 15 Feb 90 22:18:22 GMT References: <3109@pur-phy> Sender: news@dftsrv.gsfc.nasa.gov Reply-To: fasteddy@amarna.gsfc.nasa.gov Organization: NASA Goddard Space Flight Center - Greenbelt, MD, USA Lines: 32 In article <1990Feb15.185156.25980@granite.cr.bull.com>, mandel@granite.cr.bull.com (Mark Mandel) writes... : :sent email to her at jane@fsdcupt.csd.mot.com, which was the address Fuzzface whips out his handy DNS map of the Internet and starts flipping through the index. "Hmm COM MOT DOT COM." Fast-Eddie swings around to his piano and starts playing the Jaws theme. Fuzzface smiles, "Getting warmer... CSD DOT MOT DOT COM..." Fast-Eddie picks up the beat of the music. "Here we go, fsdcupt.csd.mot.com... page One-hundred Seventy Three Thousand Two Hundred and Eight." Fuzzface starts flipping pages furiously, "HA! HERE IT IS! 173208... Damn, the page is blank... Argh!" Fast-Eddie terminates the Jaws theme with the sounds of a crashing defeat. Fuzzface picks up his glass, "To the domain name system, may it work properly some day!" Now for the serious stuff: I tried looking up FSDCUPT.CSD.MOT.COM using the tools we have (NSLOOKUP) and I tried finding some of the hosts in the domain (TRACEROUTE) and for some reason I can't see it. The NSFnet (I think) router involved acts as if the lines are down. If I discover more, I'll post it here. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- John "Fast Eddie" McMahon FASTEDDY@DFTNIC.GSFC.NASA.GOV Code 630.4 - Advanced Data Flow Technology Office SDCDCL::FASTEDDY (SPAN) NASA Goddard Space Flight Center in Greenbelt, MD (301) 286-2045 "Living a 9600 Baud Lifestyle in a 1200 Baud World" - R.A.J. Path: mit-eddie!mintaka!think!zaphod.mps.ohio-state.edu!tut.cis.ohio-state.edu!ucsd!ucsdhub!hp-sdd!hplabs!hpfcso!hpcndaw!hpcndm!jason From: jason@hpcndm.CND.HP.COM (Jason Zions) Newsgroups: alt.callahans Subject: Re: Re: A Little Dream (++n-tet) Message-ID: <125990006@hpcndm.CND.HP.COM> Date: 15 Feb 90 03:05:31 GMT References: <805@arc.UUCP> Organization: HP Colorado Networks Division Lines: 66 As the door swings into The Place, a backside covered in a winter coat enters, followed by most of the rest of the body. Finally, after a bit of grunting and a few snatches of Yiddish you wouldn't repeat in front of your grandmother (even if she *didn't* speak Yiddish), a large steamer trunk is wrestled into the room. The trunk is on the short end, which appears to have a set of 3-inch rubber tires attached. "Well, I hear the call went out for a few musicians and all-around useful types. Let's see where I can fit in. Should be do-able; I *am* called Jazz for a reason, y'know." A bit more jockeying, and the case is laid down and opened. The contents appear to be mostly high-density foam; as these covers are removed, Soprano (Yanagisawa straight), Alto (Mark VI, natch), and Baritone (Dolnet, '63 low-A silver-plated - hasn't been cleaned since he was born) saxophones are revealed, along with a generic transverse flute, ocarina (not exactly generic, eh?), clarinet (dust-covered), and a small arsenal of tools and supplies for repair. [sound of small door being unsnapped] "I think the bari is probably best in this case; balance out the low end. [heavy rubber slipped from brass cap] Besides, I think I have my best tone on the big horn, [wood slipped from stainless holder] and the largest range (plenty of altissima when you start that low, plus the spit-key plays a perfect A''!) of the set. You can speak more easily with the Soprano, but too many people think it's kin to the Oboe; y'know, the Ill Wind that Nobody Blows Good?" That last sentence comes out a bit mumbled, as it's delivered around the sides of a reed being moistened. [wood slapped over hollowed opening] "Hmmm. Been a bit melancholy lately; [webbing slid over wood and ebonite] something in a minor mood (and mode) would be about right. [leather clapping over open holes] This is usually accompanied, but... [clip snapping into ring]" He stands up, shifting the neckstrap into the usual groove (seems to be a semi-permanent red line on my neck) and settling the mass of the horn. He licks his lips. The tempo begins to move him, starting at his head, travelling down through his chest and hips and settling (somehow!) in his thighs. Slowly, urgently, the melody from "Harlem Nocturne" leaves him, sounding less mournful and, perhaps, wiser than your memory of the same song played on an alto (Theme from Mike Hammer) would have you believe. The second time through the bridge, the melody is left somewhere behind; much like the shadow that's cast by the sun on the ground of a bird overhead playing langorously in the warm rise of air coming up from the ground that was warmed by the sun. The bird settles to the ground, and the melody is restated once more. The song ends almost in the usual way, climbing to the altissima A''; instead of crescendo, though, the sound diminishes to an almost ethereal hint of tone. In the silence that follows, his eyes are still closed, face turned up as if watching something flit across some inner sky; his breathing very deep and even. After a few seconds, his eyes open; a second or two later, they focus. "Thanks for listening. For some perhaps perverse reason, I enjoy wearing my heart and my soul on my sleeve when I play; the reward, I've always felt, is proportional to the risk. "I sing, too; mostly baritone, but I can cover low bass in a pinch. My specialty is scat singing and vocalese, but I can cope with normal lyrics too," a wry smile spreading over his face. "Now then, if someone will show me how to play Canasta, I'll teach you how to play something called Yass, a game of central Ohio..." Jazz Path: mit-eddie!snorkelwacker!tut.cis.ohio-state.edu!ucsd!ucsdhub!hp-sdd!hplabs!hpfcso!hpcndaw!hpcndm!jason From: jason@hpcndm.CND.HP.COM (Jason Zions) Newsgroups: alt.callahans Subject: Re: A Little Request Message-ID: <125990007@hpcndm.CND.HP.COM> Date: 15 Feb 90 03:22:59 GMT References: <7053@sdcc6.ucsd.edu> Organization: HP Colorado Networks Division Lines: 24 "Excuse me," Betsy Bo begins. "I've been listening, and I've heard a new word. Will someone please explain 'filk' to me? I can guess at what type of music it is, but it's always so much nicer to be sure." Ah, that one I can partially answer. In the earliest days of SF fandom, when FirstFen walked the earth with youthful step, the singing of folksongs was often done at conventions, rather spontaneously in the beginning. Many of these were traditional folk songs, but some were a little different; well-known melodies had SF-oriented words set to them; songs of Lensmen and Robots and such. After a time, these folksinging sessions became common enough that they began to actually be mentioned in programs. As an Con attendee knows, the Malefic Ghod of Typo does not ignore the printed program. Eventually, the listing for "folk singing" got typoed into "filk singing". Naturally enough, the name stuck, as until then there was no really good name to describe the non-traditional, SF-oriented songs that were being written and performed more and more frequently. I've never actually met anyone who claims to have seen that first program that mentioned "Filk song singing", so the story probably has to remain apocryphal. Nonetheless, I've heard no better explanation... Jazz