Path: mit-eddie!wuarchive!cs.utexas.edu!uunet!88opensi!ed From: ed@88opensi.UUCP (Ed Anderson) Newsgroups: alt.callahans Subject: Will somebody set this guy straight? Keywords: LOST, UNINFORMED, VERY-APOLOGETIC Message-ID: <379@88opensi.UUCP> Date: 26 Feb 90 08:17:05 GMT Organization: 88open Software Initiative Inc., San Jose, CA Lines: 40 Yellow, I'm not having a lotto success (Puns in leu of the 62 mil. pot this past week)... It turns out that our new sysop here at work decided to put expires on all the news files... I haven't been able to find out exactly where the Bay-Area Callahanians get-together is going to be. Whatever you do, DON'T TELL ME I MISSED IT... I'll jump through the net and choke somebody! Probably somebody in alt.romance. The new Sysop here at the SI has done a wonderful thing with expires on all the news files... They live for only 24 hours!... Come to think of it I may choke him!, naaah. Anyway I remember seeing somthing regarding the 17th (Please Say MARCH! altogether now... MARCH). If I missed it, I may be inclined to sponsor one myself this comming month... If I didn't miss it, where is it and how do I get there? My location: 2099 Gateway Place S.J. CA. (1st Street and 101/880 are accessable), right next to the Red Lion In - near the airport. Waste no time! This offer is always open! Call uunet!88opensi!ed right now and recieve your free set of Ginsu knives with your accurate directions! NOW THE TOAST: Wheat w/butter (preferably Country Crock)!!! Booooooooo..... hissssssssss...... weeeeeeeeesh ducck! SMACK! ________________________________________________________________________ Ed Anderson - uunet!88opensi!ed All reality and non-reality consist, entirely of the dynamic interplay between the two polar forces; information and entropy.... who's side are you on?. ________________________________________________________________________ Path: mit-eddie!snorkelwacker!bionet!uwm.edu!zaphod.mps.ohio-state.edu!sol.ctr.columbia.edu!emory!hubcap!dkarres From: dkarres@hubcap.clemson.edu (Dean Karres) Newsgroups: alt.callahans Subject: Re^2: Spring Message-ID: <8166@hubcap.clemson.edu> Date: 26 Feb 90 18:27:54 GMT References: <220@vu-vlsi.Villanova.EDU> Distribution: alt Organization: Clemson University, Clemson, SC Lines: 15 Ack! We lambast each other in such udder abandon! I hate to butt in on this rampage but we are getting into such a wounderful rut. Who are we kidding? We love fleecing our beloved language. Sitting here, in front of our keyboards for minutes and minutes trying to shear just one more unewesd pun from our wooley heads. And then, quickly bleating out a tail into which we spin the flax (just the flax ma'am). yours, your's, yours' or whatever, dean...k... -- || dean...k... || "...With tremblin' hands he gave his gold to the || wild colonial boy..." from John Doolan dkarres@hubcap.clemson.edu || Path: mit-eddie!snorkelwacker!usc!ucsd!sdcc6!sdbio2!secbh1 From: secbh1@sdbio2.ucsd.edu (Lori Stahlman) Newsgroups: alt.callahans Subject: Bets-n-Beez Again Message-ID: <7870@sdcc6.ucsd.edu> Date: 26 Feb 90 18:47:12 GMT References: <220@vu-vlsi.Villanova.EDU> <1990Feb24.174747.25205@chaos.cs.brandeis.edu> Sender: news@sdcc6.ucsd.edu Reply-To: secbh1@sdbio2.ucsd.edu (Lori Stahlman) Distribution: alt Organization: University of California, San Diego Lines: 89 Things were really hopping over in the musicians' corner. What had started out as a childish, repetitive school-bus song had finished in a cooperative triumph. Beezlebub Bob had borrowed a guitar from Rhodri. Although on the first ten choruses of "100 Bottles of Beer" he had accompanied himself, one by one the other musicians had joined in. Each chose a way to fit into the fabric of the whole, so by the last five bottles, everyone was jamming full blast. The ending was truly majestic. Beezlebub Bob took his bows. Meanwhile, Betsy Bo had dried her tears. The books and papers were once again neatly stacked on her table, and she sat quietly reading Erich Fromm's _Art of Loving_. Beezlebub Bob approached her table. Mopping his brow like some trumpeting jazz great, he asked, "May I join you?" She looked up briefly and nodded her assent. He sprawled in his chair. "Are you mad at me?" "Of course," she said, not raising her eyes from the book. "Are you going to stay mad at me?" "What do you think?" "I think you're going to sulk for awhile, and then you'll want to stop sulking, then I'll tell you a joke, and you'll laugh. Then you'll call me a jerk, and I'll agree but I won't apologize. Then I'll go get you a drink and everything will be okay." She closed the book and set it down. "So?" she asked, a half smile on her lips. "So, why are elephants grey and wrinkled?" "I don't know. Why?" "Because if they were smooth and white, they'd look like aspirin." Betsy Bo giggled. Then she suddenly became serious. "Why do I always forgive you, Beez?" "Because you love me." She thought about this for a minute. "But I don't let anyone else get away with the kind of stuff you pull all the time." He took a drink from her Shirley Temple. "I'm different. I'm your brother. You know I'll always be there for you whenever you need me. Always." He reached into the glass to draw a maraschino cherry from among the ice cubes and tossed it down his throat. "And since when do you 'let me get away with' anything? I express myself, kid around a little maybe, and you have a cow right here in front of everybody, making me out to be some horrible person." "There's a line between expression and obnoxious behavior, Beez." "How was I being obnoxious? How is my self expression obnoxious?" "You creamed my bike, for one. And I told you I wanted to be alone, but you came here after me anyway." "Yeah, okay, that's fair. I'm sorry if I embarrased you. Or cut in on your privacy." He suddenly looked at her as if he had just awoken. "I do that a lot, don't I?" She gave him her gentlest smile. "Yes, you do. Why do you think that is, Beezie?" He inspected his nails. "Oh, I just missed you," he said quietly. "That's all." Betsy Bo smiled. "Jerk," she said with fond, familiar scorn. "Maybe. What's it to you? Now, you want a drink or what?" "How about a bicycle julep?" Beezie had the grace to turn a bit red. "Uh, sorry about that. Say, let's go to over to Uncle Bubba Bob's Bicycle Barn. Maybe he'll have another one like it. He owes me a couple of favors anyway." "Do all families work like this?" asked Betsy Bo of Callahans at large. Beezie offered to roll her out on his dolly. She reluctantly agreed, and he wheeled her, bumping and squealing, out into the bright sunshine. Path: mit-eddie!bu.edu!bu-pub.bu.edu!ckd From: ckd@bu-pub.bu.edu (Christopher Davis) Newsgroups: alt.callahans Subject: The Extremely Irregular Welcome Posting (last tweaked 26 Feb 90) Message-ID: Date: 26 Feb 90 19:58:53 GMT Sender: news@bu.edu.bu.edu Reply-To: ckd@bu-pub.bu.edu (Christopher Davis) Distribution: alt Organization: Boston University School of Management Lines: 57 What is Callahan's Place? It's the stfnal bar that is the site of the stories in Spider Robinson's _Callahan's Crosstime Saloon_, _Time Travelers Strictly Cash_ (a good portion of it, anyway), and _Callahan's Secret_. I believe the stories have also been collected in an omnibus edition called _Callahan and Company_, but I haven't seen this one on shelves yet. There's also another book set in the same universe, _Callahan's Lady_, which takes place *before* _Callahan's Secret_ but is, IMHO, better read after _Secret_. What's Callahan's Place like, and why a newsgroup? It's "a merry place," full of puns, dart games, "fireplace toasts" (more on these later) and lots of people willing to listen. Oh, and tall tales, talking dogs, alien invaders, time travelers... Why a newsgroup? Several reasons, really... * to discuss Spider and his works-- (including the rather hard-to-find _Antinomy_, which was just being published when Dell decided to drop SF completely, and which I managed to find a copy of--after a while); * to tell Tall Tales and have Punday nights-- Punday Nights all have a theme [e.g. "electricity"] and all the puns have to relate to it. If you can't come up with a pun when it's your turn, you lose. The puns can be rather revolting at times--shocking, really--but it's usually a current topic. If you see watt I mean. * to act as a place to talk and listen... Callahan's is a place full of listeners; "in some bars, the bartender will listen to your troubles; here, we all share the load." The First Law of Callahan's Place is that shared pain is lessened, but shared joy is increased. * to have fireplace toasts (told you I'd get back to these!)-- The drinks at Callahan's Place are all fifty cents. You pay a dollar, and if you give your glass back you get a fifty-cent refund... or you can "toast the fireplace." There's a throwing line, and you stand there, recite your toast, then hurl the glass into the fireplace. Works wonders, sometimes. * and to give the alt.net something a little better than the latest rash of alt.frivolous-froups [alt.sex.carasso? Give me a *break*!]. Time--and the altnet sysadmins--will tell me if I've done the job. Enjoy. Post in good health. And remember, once again... "The beauty of a pun is in the 'Oy!' of the beholder." -- Christopher Davis, BU SMG '90 NETWORK PLANNING CONSTRAINT OF THE MONTH: "You can't send bits over a non-existent link." --Valdis Kletnieks Path: mit-eddie!mintaka!yale!think!zaphod.mps.ohio-state.edu!usc!apple!arc!sarc!steve From: steve@arc.UUCP (Steve Savitzky) Newsgroups: alt.callahans Subject: Re: Warning: more stupid lyrics (and BayArea Meeting news) Message-ID: <826@sarc.UUCP> Date: 26 Feb 90 06:19:39 GMT References: <9002210830.AA22849@ccb.ucsf.EDU> Sender: news@sarc.UUCP Organization: Advansoft Research Corp, Santa Clara, CA Lines: 29 In article <9002210830.AA22849@ccb.ucsf.EDU> robin@CCB.UCSF.EDU (Robin Colgrove) writes: > >"But seriously folks, a progress note on Bay Area Callahans Get Together. >Best convergence of the responses I've got so far seems to favor >Saturday, March 17, noon-to midnite, crashing Savitskis shindig in the >South Bay. Open the floor to discussion..." Only two points of discussion on that... 1. It's "Savitzky's" (I don't care WHAT you say, but spell my name right?) 2. You CAN'T crash it! You've been INVITED! (You can't crash our Wednesday open houses, either, for the same reason. So there. :) A small aftershock of the October 17th quake causes the floor to open, and the discussion falls through the resulting hole, reaching new depths in the process. The medium-sized teddybear pops up out of the hole just before it closes. It changes into Steve Savitzky, who goes over to the bar and hands Mike two dollars for a gin and a saucer of milk. He retires to a corner table to sip his gin; a large cat curls up in his lap and purrs loudly. -- \ Steve Savitzky \ Grand Central Starport \ REAL hackers use an AXE! \ steve@arc.UUCP \ 343 Leigh Avenue \ #include \ arc!steve@apple.COM \ San Jose, CA 95128 \ h:408-294-6492 w:727-3357 \__________________________________________________________________________ Path: mit-eddie!bloom-beacon!shelby!agate!ucbvax!fsdcupt.csd.mot.COM!jane From: jane@fsdcupt.csd.mot.COM (Jane Beckman x4030) Newsgroups: alt.callahans Subject: Soulmates?! Message-ID: <9002261515.AA05871@fsdcupt.csd.mot.COM> Date: 26 Feb 90 23:15:20 GMT Sender: daemon@ucbvax.BERKELEY.EDU Lines: 16 Jilara shakes her head. "Definitions, guys, definitions! I'm going to propose something radical: it a person a.) doesn't want you b.) screws you over c.) leaves you, possibly after b.) d.) fights with you tooth and claw e.) all of the above, or mix and match they WERE NOT YOUR SOULMATE! You just thought they were. A real soulmate wouldn't do that. If I had a dollar for every man who decided I was his "soulmate" while I was dead certain I wasn't, I could have a great dinner. (Guess who was right, after all, in these cases?) He was just projecting hopes onto me. Are we talking "soulmate" or "reasonably good attempt at compatible companionship"? Because that's all most people really mean when they say that. Think about it." She frowns. "Can we go off and find a new topic, now, please?" Path: mit-eddie!mintaka!think!yale!cs.utexas.edu!uunet!cbmvax!vu-vlsi!nlp From: nlp@vu-vlsi.Villanova.EDU (Nick Pine) Newsgroups: alt.callahans Subject: Spring is over now Message-ID: <223@vu-vlsi.Villanova.EDU> Date: 26 Feb 90 22:12:36 GMT Reply-To: nlp@vu-vlsi.UUCP (Nick Pine) Distribution: alt Organization: Villanova Univ. EE Dept. Lines: 8 Windy and 5 degrees outside this morning, with snow on the ground. The sheep are back in the barn, softly humming a chorus from the Messiah. At this rate, we will hit absolute zero at 11:21 this Sunday morning, by my rankining . . . --Nick Path: mit-eddie!rutgers!usc!snorkelwacker!bionet!agate!ucbvax!ccb.ucsf.EDU!robin From: robin@ccb.ucsf.EDU (Robin Colgrove) Newsgroups: alt.callahans Subject: West Coast Callahans Meeting Timespace Coordinates Message-ID: <9002270628.AA18526@ccb.ucsf.EDU> Date: 27 Feb 90 06:28:52 GMT Sender: daemon@ucbvax.BERKELEY.EDU Lines: 54 Patrons close to the front door are the first aware of the muffled strains of a familiar off-kilter warble. The sound was heading toward callahans, no question about it. Take cover! "I can't get no good Re-Trac-Tion! I can't get no good Re-Trac-Tion!... but I try, an' I try my fingers die, an' I cry... I can't GET no no good re-TRAC-tion! " "Praise god and pass the nitrous oxide!" Exclaims Sir Robin the Seriously Befuddled, blowing through the front door like a waltzing rhino. "I am done with surgery for life! Anchor Steam, Mike, if you will. No more digging around in other folks colons, no more stapling (!) together gaping wounds, no more getting sprayed with arterial blood containing god knows what, no more pulling on retractors till my arms fall off. I'm glad somebody wants to do it. Grody to the max... And now, family practice for the next eight weeks ! No night call and weekends off! Unbelievable! A brief prospect of semi-normal life! Awesome! Oh, and speaking of weekends. Mark it down, it's official: THE FIRST WEST COAST CALLAHANS REALSPACE GET-TOGETHER SATURDAY, MARCH 17, NOON TO MIDNITE OR THEREABOUTS AT STEVE SAVITSKIS HOUSE, 342 LEIGH AVE, SAN JOSE The following is a replay of steve s.'s original post for those who missed it the first time... "Anyway, it starts at noon on the 17th and ends when everybody leaves, but not before midnight. It's a potluck with, as our fliers invariably say, 'kids, friends, and musical instruments welcome.' I can't guarantee filk music, but it's probable. There *will* be green beer and soft drinks. "The address, as my .sig says, is 343 Leigh Av, San Jose. It's the 4th house from W. San Carlos; green with a white picket fence. There's a bus stop on the corner: 23, 24, and 85. end of replay. Drop me or sir savitski a note if you wanna come just so I can drum up interest with names of prospective attendees. but come anyway. St. Paddy's and nearly the vernal equinox. How fitting! ;) seeya!" And with that, robin takes a scalpel out of his fanny pack, breaks it over his knee, throws the pieces into the fireplace and skips out happily. Path: mit-eddie!mit-amt!snorkelwacker!tut.cis.ohio-state.edu!zaphod.mps.ohio-state.edu!sol.ctr.columbia.edu!emory!hubcap!dkarres From: dkarres@hubcap.clemson.edu (Dean Karres) Newsgroups: alt.callahans Subject: Re: Spring is over now Message-ID: <8171@hubcap.clemson.edu> Date: 27 Feb 90 12:55:49 GMT References: <223@vu-vlsi.Villanova.EDU> Distribution: usa Organization: Clemson University, Clemson, SC Lines: 13 >The sheep are back in the barn, softly humming a chorus from the >Messiah. Nick, be careful of those soft coral pieces. If you track them in the house they can be an udder mess to clean up. But I am sure that you can Handel it. dean...k... -- || dean...k... || "...With tremblin' hands he gave his gold to the || wild colonial boy..." from John Doolan dkarres@hubcap.clemson.edu || Path: mit-eddie!snorkelwacker!usc!zaphod.mps.ohio-state.edu!unix.cis.pitt.edu!dsinc!netnews.upenn.edu!cps3xx!usenet From: usenet@cps3xx.UUCP (Usenet file owner) Newsgroups: alt.callahans Subject: Re: Love, and Lifelong Soulmates Message-ID: <6643@cps3xx.UUCP> Date: 27 Feb 90 13:23:34 GMT References: <|-!#5^|@rpi.edu> <9060029@hpfcso.HP.COM> <2829@unisoft.UUCP> <1990Feb24.172720.24233@chaos.cs.brandeis.edu> Reply-To: frey@frith.UUCP (Zachary T. Frey) Organization: Michigan State University, College of Engineering Lines: 10 Hey, folks -- have you considered moving this thread to alt.suicide.holiday? Just a thought ... :^) Zach "and I thought *I* was morbid" Frey Papernet: Zachary Frey | frey@frith.egr.msu.edu | Usenet: the 514 Virginia St. | frey@msuegr.BITNET | Bellman's E. Lansing, MI 48823 | ...uunet!frith!frey | Paradise.