Path: mit-eddie!bu-cs!lll-winken!brutus.cs.uiuc.edu!rpi!hammer From: hammer@pawl.rpi.edu (James A. Damour) Newsgroups: alt.callahans Subject: Re: soulmates Message-ID: <25744E1B.6A60@rpi.edu> Date: 29 Nov 89 21:46:02 GMT References: <43561@bu-cs.BU.EDU> Organization: Rensselaer Polytechnic Institute, Troy NY Lines: 42 Keywords: love, friends Summary: friends gilly@bucsf.bu.edu (Gilly Rosenthol) writes: > "Do soulmates really exist? I wonder. > Greywolf says he's found his, and that gives me some hope, but *where > the hell is mine*? Alright, I'm only twenty, and I know that's young. > But dammit, there are times when I feel so damned alone." Gilly, I believe you have just hit upon the basic crux of male/female relations. Sure people look for others that are sexually compatable, but what I (and most people, I believe) *really* want is someone who they are willing to send eternity with. People want someone who is fun to be with... someone they can tell all their secret fears and desires to. I know I am. The problem is that this "perfect companion" is very elusive. To retain my sanity I HAVE to believe that *someone* out there is "right" for me (if I didn't have that to hold onto, life would be nothing but torture), and that I will find her... but the wait does hurt. I know what you mean when you say that you feel alone. I'm lonely too. But I am NOT alone. I have friends who are fun to be with (and that helps, but not enuf) and I have alt.callahans where I can find comfort from people who care about me, even if they have never heard of me before. > "I had a good cry, and got a lot of it out > of my system, but it seems there's still some left I had to let out." That's fine, let it out... if you don't, it'll tear you up inside. Just don't let it ruin you. If you need a shoulder to cry on, use mine. If you need someone to hold you, I'm right here. It's a frigid world out there, but in here you have the warmth of people who hurt when you do and delight in your happiness. We're here for you. > "Thanks for listening, guys." As if we would ignore you (tsk, tsk ;) > "To soulmates - and finding them soon." While you are waiting to find a soulmate, will you settle for some friends? James Damour hammer@pawl.rpi.edu Path: mit-eddie!bu-cs!lll-winken!uunet!mailrus!uflorida!haven!umd5!spier From: spier@umd5.umd.edu (Lori Spier) Newsgroups: alt.callahans Subject: Another toast Message-ID: <5698@umd5.umd.edu> Date: 29 Nov 89 20:50:47 GMT Reply-To: lori@merlin-tr.umd.edu (Lori Spier) Followup-To: alt.callahans Distribution: na Organization: Mariversity of Uniland (University of Maryland), College Park Lines: 5 Summary: toast And yet another toast: "To forgiveness, to death, and to doing the former before the latter makes it impossible." Lori Spier Path: mit-eddie!mit-amt!snorkelwacker!usc!cs.utexas.edu!rutgers!njin!princeton!phoenix!jmdoyle From: jmdoyle@phoenix.Princeton.EDU (Jennifer Mary Doyle) Newsgroups: alt.callahans Subject: Re: soulmates Message-ID: <11821@phoenix.Princeton.EDU> Date: 29 Nov 89 19:45:47 GMT References: <43561@bu-cs.BU.EDU> Reply-To: jmdoyle@phoenix.Princeton.EDU (Jennifer Mary Doyle) Distribution: usa Organization: or, conversely, Chaos: Lines: 34 In article <43561@bu-cs.BU.EDU> gilly@bucsf.bu.edu (Gilly Rosenthol) writes: >"Do soulmates really exist? I wonder. >Greywolf says he's found his, and that gives me some hope, but *where >the hell is mine*? Alright, I'm only twenty, and I know that's young. >But dammit, there are times when I feel so damned alone. I don't >understand it. I'm a nice person, got a decent sense of humor, I'm >fairly attractive - you would think I could find someone. But the >last time I had a real boyfriend was two years ago, and that only >lasted for a month. I miss that intimacy so much. I have friends I >can talk to, but it's just not the same." Oh God, *YES*! I *know* what you mean! I'm 20, also (21 in 4 days) and haven't had a real boyfriend, well, ever, I suppose, though 1 or 2 that have come close. Now, my best friend (he's my best friend, I don't think I'm his) has found a girlfriend, and I'm very happy for him, but, dammit, I'm jealous, and unhappy, and feeling neglected as well. A wall has gone up. I don't want to talk to him about it, because I think things will settle down once he's comfortable in this relationship, but it's hard to wait. I thought *he* was my soulmate, once. Occasionally I still do. I feel like there's no one who understands me, sometimes, and no one I can learn from and teach to. I'm nice, too, and I listen, and I want to be there for someone. Everyone around me has a real soulmate, or at least a boy/girlfriend, or a possibility. I don't even have a possibility. "Mike, the usual, please. To relationships! <*CRASH!*>" Jen p.s. I'm kinda ok, but this has been on my mind lately, and Gilly's post hit a nerve.-- "Make mine a root beer, Mike. Thanks. To communication! " ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Jennifer Doyle // Princeton '92 // jmdoyle@phoenix.princeton.edu Disclaimer: I am a student, I represent the future. Path: mit-eddie!mintaka!think!snorkelwacker!tut.cis.ohio-state.edu!cs.utexas.edu!rice!uw-beaver!Teknowledge.COM!polya!lucid.com!lucidboston!kdo From: kdo@lucid.com (Ken Olum) Newsgroups: alt.callahans Subject: lovers and friends Message-ID: <136@boston-harbor.lucid.com> Date: 30 Nov 89 00:27:51 GMT Organization: Lucid East, Sharon MA Lines: 15 "Mike, some cherry wine if you have it." Of course he does. "To lovers and friends and all the relationships in between." Sometimes I wonder...so often we feel like there's an empty spot that only one perfect person can fill, and no number of friends, no matter how close, can take away that emptiness. Does it have to be so? Do we have to search for the one right person, or can we gather friends around us and let them come as close as possible and give us whatever they can? In the words of Betsy Rose, "I'm not so sure I want to find / just one heart to blend with mine / so I'm looking for some long time friends." Ken Path: mit-eddie!bu-cs!lll-winken!uwm.edu!psuvax1!psuvm!jdo103 From: JDO103@PSUVM.BITNET (Someone) Newsgroups: alt.callahans Subject: Story/Toast Message-ID: <89333.184753JDO103@PSUVM.BITNET> Date: 29 Nov 89 23:47:53 GMT Organization: Penn State University Lines: 63 A figure pauses in front of Callahan's, as if not yet sure he wants to go inside or not. Finally though, if one listens close enough, he can be heard to say: "What the fleck, you only live once..." Coming in from the frigid outdoors, a man of about 5'11" walks in, brushes off the snow from his head (Kinda cold for a Flat-top/Crew-cut, eh! :-) ) and walks up to the bar. "A couple of shots o' Southern Comfort, if you will Mike!" he says as he pulls out the cash. "Thank ya kindly." Surveying the room and seeing no one else at the center of attention, he starts: "Tonight, I have two things to toast. But first I must tell a story for each. Here goes: I, like many of you here, am also a student. I am also having *big* problems academically. You see, I think I have screwed up my future, and on top of that, failed to meet the expectations of not only friends and family, but of my own. I used to be in engineering. You know: money, prestige, a job to be proud of. I planned to be in Aerospace. I figured, that with an average of 3.98 in high-school, and never having had to study, I would not have too bad a time doing it. Little did I realize. I came to find out (the hard way after killing my GPA) that it wasn't for me. I just didn't like Physics or Math. So I switched majors to, of all things, History. New problems. I like to read, but the basic requirements for the History major are so BORING. I want to get into the recent MILITARY history of the world. Classes unavailable until acceptance into your major. Well to make a long story short, I'm not doing so great. I have a _low_ CUM and still do not get along well with studying and academics. My real goal is to be a pilot. Big problem: Good grades needed to be military pilot, and I don't have the money to do it any other way. I just can't imagine being anything other than a pilot, I think flying is one of the few special joys available to people. Anyway, with the pressure put on me by parents, friends, myself, and the system in general, I feel like I'm letting everyone down. And if you can't be happy with yourself, you can never be truly happy. So here's one of my toasts: To those who have endured hardships and realized their dreams, and to those who will." (Silently to himself: "May I join you...") *Gulp* *SMAAASH* tinkle ... tinkle "And for those of you who despair loneliness, I too am with you. I once had a brief flicker of hope, but alas, it was crushed by the cruel hand of fate. But do not give up hope. I think I have found one meant for me, and if not, well, I'll just keep looking. And if I can think this, you can too. So for my next toast: Here's to the end of loneliness, may it come to us all!" >GULP< *Smash* *Usual broken glass noises* And with that, he turns and slowly walks out the door. All the while looking like there was still something he wanted to say, but was afraid to mention... Dave (Insert appropriate song lyrics by AC/DC here.) jdo103 @ psuvm Path: mit-eddie!bu-cs!austin From: austin@bucsf.bu.edu (Austin Ziegler) Newsgroups: alt.callahans Subject: Jilara Returns Message-ID: <43612@bu-cs.BU.EDU> Date: 30 Nov 89 02:35:36 GMT Sender: daemon@bu-cs.BU.EDU Organization: Boston University College of Engineering Lines: 47 The air glimmers, and Jilara becomes a little more substantial. "Thanks, Magyk. There's a comment here on how one can't really exist without the help of friends." She walks up to the fire and warms her hands. "Funny thing about Callahan's---there's this tavern (the name escapes me) that shows up in Poul Anderson's "A Midsummer Tempest." You can't find it unless you really need to, like needing refuge or something. All sorts of curious travellers from other times and places and universes end up there. I think it's got a lot in common with Callahan's. By the way, have you noticed it's a lot more---I think 'positive and healthy' is the term---here, than in places like alt.recovery?" She shakes her head. "I've been to places like that, and it's full of head-trips, and games, and people giving you hell, judging you..." She sighs. "Sometimes you just need a hug, some empathy. Sometimes there aren't easy answers. You try to be positive, but there's only so much lemonade you can make before your system says "enough!" to lemons. You try to do everything right, but still... But hey, I'm a stupid fool---I don't learn. I keep sticking my neck out, believing in people, and trying to live up to all of you. I've learned to forgive, too. Live every moment fully, no regrets." She swallows hard, breaths deep for a minute. "Because this isn't the dress rehearsal, this is IT. I go do dangerous, "macho" things, because that's how I remind myself I'm alive. I try to let everyone know what they mean to me, even when they can't deal with it. People aren't bad---they're just pathologically scared. They're scared of life, scared of death, scared of everything. Me, I'm scared of loss, but I walk into the face of that fear, every day, forcing myself to prove I can do it. Because if I don't, I'd lose for sure." Callahan walks over with her favorite scotch. "This one's on me," he turns and frowns. "For telling me why I run this place." She smiles. "A friend of mine said something last night that suggests a toast. Something a very wise man once said. 'But remember, my sentimental friend, that your heart is judged not by how much YOU love, but how much you are loved by others.' Therefore, to my favorite Wizard, Oz, the Great and Powerful!" For a moment, as the glass smashes, some think they see a face in the flames... ---Jilara the Exile "My pleasure Jilara. I hope that others who have the same problem as you will have the courage to ask the favor of others around Callahan's. We hope to hear from you again soon." says Magyk, who invites the tabbicat to join he and Jilara in a conversation. -- Magyk (austin@bucsf.bu.edu,@bucsb.bu.edu,engc8vc@buacca.bu.edu) 700 Commonwealth Box 2094, Boston, MA 02215 "Yes, I'm the crazy person running an EMail AD&D adventure!" -- Me Path: mit-eddie!mintaka!think!snorkelwacker!tut.cis.ohio-state.edu!pt.cs.cmu.edu!andrew.cmu.edu!gh1g+ From: gh1g+@andrew.cmu.edu (Gregg Fielding Hinderstein) Newsgroups: alt.callahans Subject: Friendship Message-ID: Date: 30 Nov 89 03:06:14 GMT Organization: Class of '91, Carnegie Mellon, Pittsburgh, PA Lines: 39 I once found a bit of writing that made a great deal of sense to me, and it pertains to the subject "Will you marry me?" "Why should I marry you?" "That would take a long time to answer, but I'll give you the best reason: because I think we have become very good friends, and could go on to be splendid friends, and would be very likely to be wonderful friends forever." "Friends?" "What's wrong with being friends?" "When people talk about marriage, they generally use stronger words than that." "Do they? I don't know. I've never asked anyone to marry me before." "You mean you've never been in love?" "Certainly I've been in love. More times than I can count. I've had two or three affairs with girls I loved. But I knew very well that they weren't friends." "You put friendship above love?" "Doesn't everybody? No, that's a foolish question; of course they don't. They talk about love to people with whom they are infatuated, and sometimes involved to the point of devotion. I've nothing against love. Most enjoyable. But I'm talking to you about marriage." "Marriage. But you don't love me?" "Of course I love you, fathead, but I'm serious about marriage, and marriage with anyone whom I do not think the most splendid friend I've ever had doesn't interest me. Love and sex are very fine but they won't last. Friendship - the kind of friendship I am talking about - is charity and loving-kindness more than it's sex and it lasts as long a life. What's more, it grows, and sex dwindles; has to. So - will you marry me and be friends?" -Robertson Davies "The Rebel Angels" I think if more permanent relationships were based on friendship rather than the undefinable "love", there'd be a lot less divorce. Sinatra sang: "Love and Marrage go together like a horse and carrage" Sinatra was a fool. Gregg Path: mit-eddie!wuarchive!mailrus!uflorida!haven!uvaarpa!ra!rdm5g From: rdm5g@ra.cs.Virginia.EDU (Rodney D. McElrath) Newsgroups: alt.callahans Subject: Indecision Message-ID: <699@ra.cs.Virginia.EDU> Date: 30 Nov 89 07:45:56 GMT Distribution: usa Organization: U.Va. CS Department, Charlottesville, VA Lines: 58 The wind was no longer blowing, so the crunch of booted feet on new snow was loud and crisp as such things usually are when it is this cold. "Damn, I don't even know if I have any singles on me." Searching through a battered, black leather coat the figure turns up a couple of crumpled single from some forgotten inner pocket. He palms the bill, and as he rearranges his black scarf a silver rose catched the moonlight. He straightens his 6 ft 2 in frame with a hesitation suggesting a weariness, and pushes the large wooden door open to welcome the warmth of fire. "Mike, Give me a shot of Crown and an Alka-Seltzer." Stepping up to the chalk line, he pauses somewhat expectantly perhaps for some attention, or perhaps to let the glow of the fire penetrate the layers of his clothing. "I am blessed, but miserable. Indecision is one of my worst plagues. I am on the tail end of a Masters Degree and trying to decide whether or not to continue with a Phd and consume yet a few more years of my young life in academic pursuits." "My problem is slight compared to many and inconsequential compared to others. But unlike many crisis I have a choice in this matter and It will affect the rest of my life." "Perhaps I simply justifying my agony to myself... A Toast! To Indecision and the minor havoc it reeks on all our lives." He slowly down the shot, savoring the gravel and velvet whiskey... "You folks can call me Roderick." With that he moves back to the bar, slowly nurses the alka-seltzer. To the inquisitive look Mike gives him as he collects his change. He replies.. "Laundry day tomorrow Mike..." And move quietly toward the door. -- rdm5g@babbage.acc.Virginia.EDU Rod McElrath 804 293-7583 rdm5g@uvacs.cs.Virginia.EDU "that which does not kill us makes us stronger..." University of Virginia Friederich Neitzshe _______________________________________________________________________________ Path: mit-eddie!wuarchive!psuvax1!psuvm!cunyvm!maine.bitnet!michael From: MICHAEL@MAINE Newsgroups: alt.callahans Subject: Re: soulmates Message-ID: Date: 30 Nov 89 00:16:48 GMT References: <43561@bu-cs.BU.EDU> <43571@bu-cs.BU.EDU> Organization: University of Maine System Lines: 28 TO: NETNEWS@MAINE A young man with brown hair and broad shoulders (really) who has been sitting in the corner with his Fuzzy Navel and a good book rises and speaks. In his deep, resonant voice he says: "Gilly, I know how you feel. I was in the same boat you are in until I was 25 years old and I got some depressed, let me tell you. But I can also tell you that it won't last forever. Part of my problem was simple self-confidence. I lacked enough of it to court rejection by asking out people who were NOT already my friends. "Therein lay the root of my problem. I needed to be confident enough to ask someone out and to not act like they'd be doing me a favor by going out with me. My friends who were women liked me just fine as a friend, they did not want to spoil things by starting a relationship, which I can understand. Once I found that I could handle a little rejection and even handle short relationships that didn't work out, I was able to find the real thing. I have been with my lady for two years and while things have not always been perfect or easy, I would not trade it for anything. "You'll get there. And if you don't expect every date to turn into a steady or every relationship to last until death do you part, you'll even have fun getting there." "To never giving up!" Michael Johnson "We are the Priests of the Temples University of Maine System of Syrinx. Our great computers fill Computing and Data Processing Services the hallowed halls." - Neil Peart Path: mit-eddie!mintaka!snorkelwacker!usc!cs.utexas.edu!uunet!pyrdc!gmu90x!kaufman From: kaufman@gmu90x.gmu.edu (Ken Kaufman) Newsgroups: alt.callahans Subject: Toasting the night away Message-ID: <2380@gmu90x.gmu.edu> Date: 30 Nov 89 15:40:19 GMT Reply-To: kaufman@gmu90x.UUCP (Ken Kaufman) Organization: George Mason University, Fairfax, Va. Lines: 65 "Serious drinks for serious toasts," he replied to Long-Drink McGonnigle as he took the penultimate sip of his Manischewitz Blackberry. "Besides, I just had to see if Mike had it in stock." He got up and walked past a table where another punfest had broken out ... "So you suggest we shift from music puns to SF. Well, there's no reason we can't have our cake and eat it too. After all, anyone with a Quick Sliver of inspiration, and his Big Brother too, can make ones that fit into both categories which will make a lot of people Dead Grateful that they can flee on the next Airplane out of town." ... up to the chalk line by the fireplace. "To ambiguity in acronyms!" <*Crash*> Needless to say, voices from at least three different parts of The Place echoed, "To AA!" He walked back to the bar and placed down another commemorative picture of George Washington. "How about one of those schizoid specials - a Rum and Jolt?" He downed it in one gulp. If such were possible, his green eyes glowed with even more fire, more intensity, than before. Back to the chalk line he strode, purposefully ... "To Commitment!" Into the fireplace the glass went with a thunderous smash. "Come to think of it, maybe I should be committed ... I pay a terrible price, but couldn't see myself living any other way. I may be slow to make definitive commitments, but when I do, I stick to them. No half-assed inbetweens. I guess it's just a matter of integrity to me. Now how does this affect me, you may ask? Well, take my work situation. Please. Here I am in the nth year of doctoral work, floundering around the detours being thrown at me left & right, losing my sense of purpose, but wanting to get it done, not just for me, but for the rest of my team, who've invested so much in me. Plus, there is the self-gratitude - without that stupid piece of paper, I'll feel I've completely wasted the last few years. But with it, I'll have climbed the mountain, and I will know I can do it again. I am committed to completing this degree, practically even if it kills me. And what then when I finally get out of here? How should I know? Do you really think I'm fool enough to commit myself to some line of work when I don't really have the info on what's out there, and it will probably change next month anyway? I may not even stay in the field. But barring massive personality change, I can't totally expect to ever voluntarily leave my first all-time job. Loyalty and all that crap. And what do they say about indispensibility? And then there's the social side of things. I'm slow to commit to women to any degree at all - probably cost me dozens of nice flings and relationships - but when I do ... well, one of these days, I'd like to meet my equal in such 'moral fiber.' Should I become an unreliable bum just for the sake of improving my lot? Doesn't matter. That won't happen." --Ken Kaufman (kaufman@gmu90x.gmu.edu)